Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Will the Real Turkey Please Stand Up? Or, Yes, But Did the Turkey Pardon the President?
This year, at the traditional Presidential Turkey Pardon on the White House lawn, it was tough to distinguish the Thanksgiving Turkey from the President. You could tell the Turkey wasn't the Vice President because when the latter tried to smile, his fangs were showing through his sneer, and turkeys don't have fangs. Anyway, I think the one at the podium trying to be warm and fuzzy and doing the "we honor our men in uniforms" speech was the President, but it was really hard to tell with all the obigatory gobbling.
This year, instead of sending the turkey to a nice petting zoo, it's going to Disneyland to be the grand marshall of the Disneyland Thanksgiving Day parade. After the reprieve on the White House lawn, the turkey and it's alternate were on their way, by police escort, to a Washington-area airport, where they'll fly first-class to Los Angeles. Following the parade, the turkeys will spend the remainder of their days at a Disneyland ranch.
Now, all of this got me to thinking. With all the really serious problems this president has, would it not have been a more appropriate gesture if the turkey had pardoned the President? After all, I could think of a lot worse places for a President to live out his days in exile than Disneyland. And, when you think about it, for a President who has run the country based on half-truths, twisted-truths, unbelieveable policies, and fantasies, well, Disneyland seems more appropriate than ever.
So what do you think? If the Turkey pardoned the President--and all of the corrupt people around him--and sent them all to Disneyland, we could all be thankful that we wouldn't have to live through months and months of nasty investigations of the White House, Patrick Fitzgerald would be thankful to forget about Scooter and be able to once again focus on Chicago political corruption, and everyone in America would be happy that we no longer have a Turkey running the country. Sounds like a plan.