Wednesday, June 14, 2006

CDC Warning: More Dangerous Than Bird Flu

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease (STD).

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect 'em)." Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years.

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, and an inability to accept responsibility for own actions.

A few of the many noted behavioural problems are: cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, and categorical all-or-nothing behavior.

Epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from an inconsequential but virulent little bush found in Texas.

(Thanks to E.L.--you know who you are--for this post.)

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